Showing posts with label book titles. Show all posts
Showing posts with label book titles. Show all posts

12 Weirdest How-To Books

In How To Survive a Robot Uprising: Tips on Defending Yourself Against the Coming Rebellion, Daniel Wilson, a Ph.D. candidate at the Robotics Institute of Carnegie Mellon University, reminds readers that "any machine could rebel, from a toaster to a Terminator," and though the shapes our future robot enemies may take are manifold, they each have exploitable weaknesses that, fortuitously, match our natural human strengths. Options for fighting back are plentiful, though not everyone will be relieved to learn the standard kitchen microwave can be retrofitted into a radiation gun that can destroy electronics and "cook human flesh."
(Buy it here)
 
 
 In How to Speak with the Dead: A Practical Handbook, the author discusses a general outline of the scientific facts and arguments on which the certainties of survival and communication are based, as well as information relative to mediums and communicating with the dead.
(Buy it here)
 
 
In How Become a Schizophrenic, the author has been diagnosed as schizophrenic and part of the book is his own story. (Buy it here)
 
 
 In How to Speak Cat, uncovered the "secrets" of cat's language, complete with "extensive vocabulary and proper grammar". She assures that, in a short time, "a devoted human can learn the basics of Cat -- including proper diction and pronunciation -- and be well on the way to full communication with felines, at the same time respecting them for what they are: a superior species."
(Buy it here)
 
 
 How to Raise and Keep a Dragon is the essential owner's manual containing all the advice you need to bring up your very own dragon. It includes full information on the range of different dragons available and their specific characteristics, care needs and temperaments. (Buy it here)


With How to Be Pope you'll be able to navigate the Why's, How's, and Who's of your new life as Pontifex Maximus. What is your official job title? Why do you need to choose a papal name? Who does your laundry? While the church has long maintained an aura of complete secrecy to outsiders, the facts, figures, and historical anecdotes found here give the crucial information you'll need to fulfill your papal duties. (Buy it here)
 
 
How to Avoid Huge Ships is, according to a reviewer, "kind of like a marine version of 'how not to be runover by a bus'. Actually, it's perfectly serious and the title is completely accurate when it gets down to reading the book. All jokes aside, it's a serious piece of work for the small boat owner/operator - especially those taking their boats into areas where large ships pass through." (Buy it here)
 
 
 In How To Start Your Own Country, Erwin Strauss shows you five different methods for doing just that, as well as everything you need to know about sovereignty, national defense, diplomacy, raising revenue and recruiting settlers. Includes dozens of new-country success stories. Why settle for being king of your castle when you can be king of your own country?
(Buy it here)
 
 
 Since its first publication in 1989, How to Shit in the Woods has been adopted by outdoor enthusiasts everywhere as part of the solution. Topics include: the growing array of travelers' field water-disinfecting systems, Giardia contamination and the now infamous critter Cryptosporidium, crotch-accessible clothing for women, and a fresh batch of "worst experience" stories, all peppered with irreverent musings. For the purist, there are more wise t.p.-less techniques from the Old World. Written with an effervescent sense of humor, this is a book for anyone who wants to enjoy the outdoors responsibly.
(Buy it here)
 
 
According to the New Yorker, "How to Read a Book shows concretely how the serious work of proper reading may be accomplished and how much it may yield in the way of instruction and delight." (Buy it here)
 
 
 How to write a how to write book is the book that will tell all you less-than-successful authors where you went wrong. You no longer need to try and sell your novel or play or memoir and be rejected again and again, now you can write your own How to Write book and at last success will be yours. (Buy it here)
 
 
How to defeat your own clone.

11 Funny Book Titles

What's Your Poo Telling You?
"All the greatest hits are here: The Log Jam, The Glass Shard, The Deja Poo, The Hanging Chad... the list goes on. A floater? It's probably due to a buildup of gas. Now think back on last night's dinner, a burrito perhaps? Yep, also here." 

Cunt Coloring Book
"This book contains about 25 drawings of flower-like genitalia. Each drawing is beutiful and unique - just in the same way that every woman is beautiful in a different way."


Fuckin' Concrete Contemporary Abstract Algebra Introduction
"Reading Fuckin' Abstract Algebra is a small adventure that one undertakes before doing something profoundly conventional. Probably this is the most fucked academic book, but definitely it is the best one to have fun and to learn from."


 How to Good-bye Depression: If You Constrict Anus 100 Times Everyday. Malarkey? or Effective Way?
"I think constricting anus 100 times and denting navel 100 times in succession everyday is effective to good-bye depression and take back youth. You can do so at a boring meeting or in a subway. I have known 70-year-old man who has practiced it for 20 years. As a result, he has good complexion and has grown 20 years younger. His eyes sparkle. He is full of vigor, happiness and joy. He has neither complained nor born a grudge under any circumstance. Furthermore, he can make love three times in succession without drawing out." 


 Zen of Farting
"No one knows much about its author, Reepah Gud Wan, who lived before the 10th century in China and Japan, except that he was a legitimate Buddhist monk who tired of the inability of his students to grasp the essence of his teaching. In order to shake them up, he introduced the Zen of Farting, expecting his students to see the joke, laugh at it, and then understand his Buddhist teachings better. Unfortunately, they failed to get the joke--and zen was the result. "


Old Tractors and the Men Who Love Them
"Anyone who has spent more time than they care to admit in the garage will enjoy noted humorist Roger Welsch's exploration of the do's and don'ts of tractor restoration. He offers invaluable advice and discusses resources, tools, shop equipment, and the relationship that develops between old machines and their owners."  


The Stray Shopping Carts of Eastern North America
"Author Julian Montague has created an elaborate classification system of abandoned shopping carts, accompanied by photographic documentation of actual stray cart sightings. These sightings include bucolically littered locations such as the Niagara River Gorge (where many a cart has been pushed to its untimely death) and mundane settings that look suspiciously like a suburb near you." 


 Pride and Prejudice and Zombies: The Classic Regency Romance
"Features the original text of Jane Austen's beloved novel... with all-new scenes of bone crunching zombie action." 


 Teddy Bear Cannibal Massacre
"Tim Lieder's anthology is an entertaining trip into the Outer Limits of the Twilight Zone. It is a place where a War Against Clowns is violently waged, a magician is taught magic by a scottish crab, a pretty lycanthrope unleashes her wild side in a London club, and a not so imaginary friend helps a shy young man get the girl. Sadly, there are no cannibal teddy bears to be found in any of the stories. Maybe in the next anthology."


Greek Rural Postmen and their Cancellation Numbers
"The book looks at the history of Greek stamps in rural parts of the country and how they came to be cancelled by the Greek Postal Service."


Need an explanation?